I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
