hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
