Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
