Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
