Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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