No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
