It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
