so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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