Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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