i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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