farters have to be the big spoon...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They are going to name an STD after you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
