So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
