Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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