the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
