Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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