called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
