yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
