I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
