i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
