Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
