If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
