if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
