I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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