she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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