So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
