I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
