One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
