Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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