my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
