I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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