She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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