Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
