I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
