listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
