WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
