making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize