i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
