I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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