Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
