i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
