i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
