her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
