They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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