I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
