WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize