my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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