My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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