So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
two words: eviction party
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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