New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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