so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
