I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
