who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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