dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
