I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
