someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
