I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize