Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
