I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
