halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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