I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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