I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize