Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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