I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My cat gives me a boner
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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